With Valentine’s Day around the corner, let’s talk about love. Love can bring so much joy on one hand and a dose of pain with the other. As a therapist my specialty is not couples therapy, but sometimes certain concepts are intertwined and must be addressed. I steer away from advice giving and judgements based on societal or cultural norms. Love looks different to different people period. However, through my professional experience I can identify heathy vs unhealthy practices. Love spans over lovers, family, friends, co-workers and of course self. Below are a few observations that may help identify if you are in love or trapped in a toxic cycle.
Love is work, but healthy work. Compromise, communication, understanding, and at times selflessness. Unhealthy depictions of love include poor communication, bullying, always giving in, feeling unheard, and going along with things that are harmful to you. Don’t sacrifice your mental health to keep a companion whether it’s a friend, lover, or even family member. Speak up. If it’s love the other party will value and respect your input. Don’t be afraid if you stand up for yourself they will leave. If they do, it is for the best in the long run.
Love should not be the reason for hurting yourself mental or physically. I’ve seen individuals attempt to cut, shoot, stab, and even kill themselves behind what they called love. I’ve witnessed others attempt to starve or overdose due to this toxic depiction of love as well. If all you have to live for is another person or something material, that is not love and there is a bigger issue. Seek out a professional to process your thoughts before considering anything drastic. Self love is the most Important concept of love.
Love can not be gone forever if it was truly there. Some of us are lucky and hit the love jack pot the first time. Some are not so lucky and are dealt deep disappointment. Everyone deserves love, don’t stay hung up on a failed attempt. Bandage your wounds, heal, and eventually move forward. The point is not to rush back out there, because that would be unhealthy. The goal is to have the mind frame that love will cross your path again in time.
Love should not determine your self worth. If you don’t have a significant other or perhaps close friends to love, that’s ok. Focus on who you do have to love or what in your life you have to be thankful for. If your self worth is determined by how many people claim to love you, you will be tormented by self doubt, low self esteem and even depression if those pieces of your life are not in place yet. Avoid beating yourself up needlessly. Celebrate the things and people in your life that bring you joy. Don’t ruminate over what you don’t have yet.
Love for material things can be dangerous. Monetary items can take up valuable space in the heart when these items become excessive. Money can make many people do very questionable things, especially when these individuals believe all they have to love have price tags and dollar signs. There is nothing wrong with enjoying success and stability. As long as one realizes there is more to life. Whether someone can afford certain things or not does not make anyone more or less worthy of love and happiness.
Always practice loving yourself and those around you daily far beyond the month of February. Be grateful and content that you can enjoy love no matter the form. If you have not found the source of love you are seeking don’t give up hope. Project the energy in your daily life you wish to attract.
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